


Space

by amanda_jolene



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2014-04-15
Packaged: 2018-01-19 12:03:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1468927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amanda_jolene/pseuds/amanda_jolene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rae worries about the space it takes to hold her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Space

His bed was too small.

Well, maybe it wouldn’t be too small if you weren’t such a complete and utter whale, Rae thought bitterly. Of course, Finn acted like it was no big deal and kept jabbering on about, well, something. Rae was too busy concentrating on sucking her stomach in and trying to make herself as small as possible to actually listen. 

"What do you think? Rae? Rae?" 

She blinked, finding him propped on one elbow, looking at her expectantly. “Um…”

"You really are a bit deaf, aren’t you?" He rolled his eyes, flopping back down. "You alright?"

"Yeah, s’pose." 

Lies. She was dying to take a deep breath and stop trying to make her navel touch her spine. 

"You sure? Want some tea." 

"Yes!" She said quickly. 

"Be back," he rolled off the bed, his body fluid as he rose to his feet. Rae took a moment to her eyes rake down that fine, fine form, admiring the way the muscles in his back looked under his thin tee (Finn Nelson should only be allowed to wear white shirts, Rae decided) and that cream puff ass that just demanded to have Rae’s teeth- "Stop staring." 

"Not staring," she rolled her onto her stomach, letting her belly pooch out as she dragged in the scent of his pillow. She heard him laugh a little as he closed the door behind him. It was always closed doors at Finn’s house because if his dad had an inkling Rae was up there, he’d barge in and talk her ear off. 

Rae took Finn’s absense as an chance to sit up properly in the bed and breathe. Deeply. 

Thing about being fat is always having to be mindful of which postions make you look, well, fatter. Slouch too much and you look heavier. Sit too close to the edge and your thighs take on monstrous porportions. With Kester, she didn’t care and at the pub, she had the table to hide behind. But in Finn’s room, she was left to awkwardly search for a position that didn’t make her look like a cow lazing in the pasture. 

She could sit in the chair but then if she sank back too much, her belly popped out and she would magically grow an extra chin. 

Bloody fucking hell. 

In the end she settled on the bed, back against the wall with one leg tucked under the other. The moment she heard the door open, she realized how damn huge her thigh looked but it was too later, so she pulled a pillow into her lap and sucked her gut in again. 

Finn gave her a smile and a cup of tea. “Alright, then?” 

Rae nodded, the muscles in her stomach already aching as she watched Finn put on another record. He slid in beside her, shoulders and legs touching, and tapped on her thigh a moment for he drew a question mark. 

What was wrong? Why was she so quiet?

Because fucking Chloe, that’s why. Rae should be used to it by now, but her best friend was so lacking in tact that she still managed to catch Rae off guard. 

They had went shopping- Rae, Chloe and Izzy- and had ended up in some trashy lingerie store that made Rae’s skin crawl. The other two picked up things and held them to their bodies as Rae eyed the scraps of material with disdain. Right, not even a fourth of a tit would fit and nevermind the band. 

Chloe was telling Izzy how much men “loved” this sort of stuff. “I feel sorry for boys who don’t get to see these. Ya know once they’ve seen it, they want more.” She cast a glance at Rae before looking away. Right. Chloe felt sorry for Finn not “boys”, and it had less to do with pieces of lace and more to do with Chloe not being able to figure out why Finn was with a girl who took up so much fucking space. 

And that was why Rae was trying to shrink. Because she felt sorry for Finn, too. 

"I’m fine, really. Just… tired."

"Then let’s have a bit of a lay down." He took the mug from her hands and sat it on the windowsill. With a cat-that-ate-the-fucking-canary grin, he reclined back, pulling her with him. "Come on then." 

She cringed, afraid of touching him. Maybe not of touching him, but of him touching her fat because one day he’d realize how disgusting she felt in his hands… that his life wasn’t big enough for her. She clenched the muscles of her stomach tighter. 

Rae supposed it would have been easier to keep sucking her gut in if he hadn’t kissed her. When Finn Nelson’s luscious lips touched hers, she forgot everything (including the fact that she didn’t shave her legs that morning). The next thing she knows is their naked bellies are against each other and his hands are so tangled in her hair she worries for a moment that they’ll have to cut him loose. She briefly thinks about being all in his space, but then he gasps against her neck and his mouth is on her ladybits and she just can’t help but think fuck it. 

It’s much later that she wakes up, face pressed against his bare stomach, the taste of him still behind her teeth. She sits up and reaches for the tea that’s long gone cold and swills a bit around before trying to shrink back against the wall. 

"S’matter?" Finn croaks, half asleep.

Rae shakes her head. “Nothing. Sorry I woke ya, I was all in your space.”

It’s not until she laid down that he pushes a leg between hers, arms slung around her. “I like you in my space. Rae, don’t ya get it yet?” 

He traces words on her skin as she falls asleep, the same five words and he vows to keep tracing them until she remembers it, until she can feel the words even when he’s not there. 

B-E-I-N-A-L-L-M-Y-S-P-A-C-E-S.


End file.
